I Will Never Bow
by Keiko
Summary: Shinji-tachi make a vow that they will never simply bow to the wishes of Gendou. Rei, however, leaves to tell on them. But as she walks to Gendou's office, she thinks about what the others said.


I will never bow  
By: Keiko Nakamoto  
Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion or any anime/manga for that matter. I also don't own the few lyrics I use. They're from Rebecca St. James' 'Carry Me High'. She's a Christian singer and would probably hate me for using her song like this, but a few of the lyrics just...fit. Besides, Eva is SORTA biblical...  
Notes: Oke, this is a really short Rei-based thing. It's always bugged me how she bows to every command that Gendou gives so...  
  
~ 8 ~  
  
You had to tell me. Had to say those words. Had go make me question my reasons. My reasons for obeying.   
  
'Until you find something worth dying for, you're not really living.'  
  
He's not worth dying for. He just isn't. I know that, but still...I obey, I put my life on the line for Him. Why?  
  
'Whatever comes I take this vow, I will never bow.'  
  
Never bow? Could I say that? Me?  
  
I'm walking to see Him now. After you said those things to me, I've been doubting myself.   
  
You made that vow, you will never bow. Asuka vowed the same, but me, I just left. Now, I'm going to tell Him what you and Asuka said. He'll be mad at you, and pleased with me. Maybe I'll get a smile or something.  
  
I don't care.  
  
I don't like Him. I hate Him. I pretend to like Him because he favors me, and I don't want Him to be angry with me. Because He's all I've ever known. He's almost like god to me. He made me. But I hate Him just as much as you do. He doesn't care about any of us. Not me, not you, not Asuka, not Ritsuko, not Misato, none of us. He only cares for himself.  
  
But what about me? Who do I care about? Not Him, not myself. You care for Kaworu, Misato, maybe Asuka and myself, and for Touji, Kensuke, and Hikari. Asuka, she cares about you and herself. But do I care about you? Do I care about her? Do I care about anyone? No, I don't think I do.  
  
'Until you find something worth dying for.'  
  
I haven't. I don't have anything important enough that I would die for it. So, I would die for lack of reason. I've never really lived. I merely exist.  
  
'I will never bow.'  
  
You will never bow. Asuka will never bow. Kaworu will. He'd bow for you. But only for you. I wonder if anyone could ever feel that way about me.  
  
Why do I pilot Eva?  
  
For me? No. For you? No. For Him? ...No, not for Him either. Certainly not for Asuka, Kaworu and them. Do I pilot Eva for someone?  
  
Yes.  
  
For who? Who do I pilot Eva for?  
  
For everyone. For all the children with dreams. For all the mothers watching their young ones, for fathers full of pride. For siblings who tease and love. For friends to laugh with. For the people of Earth.  
  
I care.  
  
I care about what happens to the humans. I feel for them, and want them to see tomorrow.  
  
That's why I pilot Eva.  
  
Not because you do, not because He says to. Because I want to. But I don't have to do everything.  
  
I don't have to bow to His every command.  
  
I was coming down this hall to tell on you and Asuka. But now, I knock on the door for different reasons.  
  
"Who's there?" His voice calls.  
  
"Rei." I say.  
  
"Rei! Come in."  
  
I do so. He smiles at me.  
  
"Do you have something to report?"  
  
I nod.  
  
"Please." He says. I step forward.  
  
"Sir. I will continue to pilot Eva, however, I refuse to meet any other demands." I say firmly. "I do not deserve to be treated like a specimen. Something to be quickly disposed of and replaced. I am an individual, and I deserve to live."  
  
He stares at me. Then He smiles.  
  
"You made a joke!" He laughs. "Well, I never suspected that you would have it in you. Such a good one too."  
  
"I am not joking." I say. "From this day on, whatever comes I take this vow..."  
  
He stares more, frowning slightly.   
  
Thank you Shinji, for this strength. I must remember to tell you what I found out about myself. Maybe we can even be friends.   
  
But right now, I must finish what I started. I stare Him in the face and announce that...  
  
"I will never bow."  
  
~ Owari  



End file.
